Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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