Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
