it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
