how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
