Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
