I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
