how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
