hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize