I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
