I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
where does the pee come out of this thing
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize