Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
