I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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