batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
