i don't like sucking hair
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
