I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Holy sore nipples Batman
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
