Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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