Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just pee around me
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
