I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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