Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
