I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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