I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
