thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
