this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
