i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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