Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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