Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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