Sry I called you an 8
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
not ubering you a puppy
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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