i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
