I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
