Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
