my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
