You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
