hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
