Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You smell like stripper and shame
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
