oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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