____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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