you have to choose: penises or morals?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
