it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
