i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
