did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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