There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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