I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
