There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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