i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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