I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
