I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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