I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
All I want is dick and wine.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
