i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
my penis made a compromise with my morals
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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