i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I believe in your delicious
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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