the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
