apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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