he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
