need another drink. this is the easiest way
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
