He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
