Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
