My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
