you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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