The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
