OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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