There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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