just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
