the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize