I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
