So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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