They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
