Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize