Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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