Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize