I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
