FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
