i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
