Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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