He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
