Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
