If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
FUCK WHALES
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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