You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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